Put On Your Big Girl Panties...

Those that are close to me know that I am a big fan of the "Put on your big girl panties, and deal with it" phrase. It resonates with me. there are some days that it is a lot easier than others, but that is kind of the point of the phrase in the first place. To me it is the ultimate definition of "adult". Being an adult has little to do with age, or desire to have fun, or how you spend your free time. Being an adult means being able to get the necessary things in life done.

In the past when I say this phrase the image of a gigantic pair of granny panties pops into my head. Today however, I said it, and realized that that image doesn't apply to me. An amazingly sexy pair of panties that make me feel powerful is a much more appropriate image. My mind has been putting the em-pha-sis on the wrong syl-abul this whole time.

It isn't
BIG "girl panties"

It IS
"big-girl" panties

There is strength, and maturity in your choice of panties, as well as in your choice of inspirational images.

The Year of the DORK

It's my birthday!

I have decided that I have been holding back my true self long enough, and that this year I am going to celebrate the DORK that I truly am. I have always been quite self-conscious, always wanting to appear mature and pulled together. I am realizing that this leads to quite a boring life.

It's time to be a dork. So fair warning to the ones that love me, the ones that hang out with me, and especially the ones that travel with me...This will be the year of the "long arm self-photo". This will be the year of the Segway tour. This will be the year of doing the things I want to without worrying if I look like a dork.

Cheers!

A Wish for 2012

Today is the day after New Year's Day, because yesterday I spent the day with family. I thought about doing a post, but my blog isn't as high a priority as spending time with my loved ones(truth). I also thought about doing the average "resolutions" post, and decided that is what it would be...average. So instead I thought about doing a "bucket list" post, but ultimately I'm the only one that cares about my bucket list.


In the end I have decided on this...

May 2012 bring you;
the LOVE that you want,
the FRIENDS that you need,
the STRENGTH to get through the tough times,
the COURAGE to do the truly amazing things,
the SUPPORT to make great changes,
and LAUGHTER daily.

Happy New Year, It's going to be AH-mazing.

"He's Just Not That Into You"

So there's this guy, he's one of the roommates of a very close friend. She thinks we would be a good match. He's attractive, and we seem to have fairly easy conversation, he flirts shamelessly, and we have even shared a moment or two. I decided a while ago that I wouldn't do the chasing on this one, if something happened it was great, but if not that's okay too. Last week I pushed that line a little and suggested that if he wasn't doing anything it might be nice to grab a drink or something. It turned out that he was busy, and that's fine, but at least there is now no question that I'm interested.

Later that night we had a chat online. We discussed our days, we flirted, and then it happened. He gave me the "You're really sweet and deserve a "relationship", but I'm still struggling to get my shit together so it would be leading you on to get involved since I can't really give myself to anyone until I've figured out my shit" line. I told him it was a good thing to spend some time figuring out your own shit, that I'm a big girl, and how about we just hang out periodically and see if it turns into anything more.

The next day I was talking to my friend about the chat and that's where she pointed out that he was just feeding me a "line". She suggested that my response was just leaving me open to being nothing more than a "booty call". And that made me think.

Is "I don't have my shit together" our generation's version of "It's not you, it's me"?

I think it is, or at least that's how I'm going to take it. I have lots of days that I don't feel like I've got it all together, but I'm not going to use it as an excuse to not date. As I understand it the point of dating is to hang out with someone that you think is interesting/attractive/amusing and over time get to know them and their baggage and ultimately come to the decision as to whether their baggage is a good match with your own baggage. If we are all staying solo until we each feel we've got our lives figured out then we are going to be a very lonely generation, not to mention a very self-absorbed generation.

Am I the only one experiencing this "line"? Are both guys and gals using it? Have you ever used it yourself?

What's in a Name?

When I got married all those years ago I made the decision to hyphenate my name. I'm not sure if I should have taken that as a sign that all was not the fairytale that we all make our relationships out to be during our engagements. At the time I justified it with the fact that my generation in my family is made up exclusively of girls. EVERY single one of my siblings, cousins, and second cousins with my maiden name are girls. I am proud of my heritage, and my family, I couldn't bear the thought of the name ending with my generation. this was a decision that was never discussed with my husband-to-be(also a possible red flag), it was just something that was presented to him as the only option. I know he was a smidge upset. I know he was not happy to have to answer the constant "Why isn't she taking your name?" questions(Really? It was 2001, it shouldn't be that big a deal)

Now I find myself, 10 years later. I took my wedding ring off 19 months ago. I'm pulling all my stuff together to move forward on my divorce. And only last week realized that un-hyphenating my name will be part of that process. I still haven't really looked into what that will entail. I'm fairly certain that changing one's name after a divorce is far more challenging than changing it after a marriage. This is a process that will be worth it for me. I have already started in small ways. Yesterday I dropped the Ex's name from my facebook profile. I have stopped adding his name when I fill out forms for myself and for my boys.

Looks like it's an old name for a new start.

The New Year

Last year around this time I introduced you all to my idea of Labor Day being MY New Year start. I just went back and looked at that post, and boy did I miss the boat this year. I will at this time choose to move forward, and choose not to regret the past. Next week marks the passing of summer into the new school year for my boys, and with that a new routine in our house.

This year's RESOLUTIONS are...

1)Get my weight under control. I am doing this for me. I am not happy when I look in a mirror. I am not happy with the way my clothes fit. I have started to notice myself unconsciously covering my stomach with things when I sit down, and tugging at the waist of my shirt to make sure my blubber isn't exposed. I also need to start setting an example. If people are going to take me seriously as a nutritionist, yoga instructor, personal trainer, and massage therapist, then I must start looking/behaving the part.

2) Get my divorce done. I have been procrastinating on this for over a year now. It's time to start to build my new life, and I will never truly be able to do that until I have freed myself fully from my old life(well, as fully as I can given that we have monkeys together).

3) Make my house into MY house(well, mine and my kids house). This house was bought with the needs of two other adults in mind as well as me and the boys. This house was decorated to a fair degree by those other two adults. This house is still holding may items that belonged to those other two adults. I am tired of feeling sad/angry/resentful when I look around my house. It's time to move on.

4) Make those that care for me feel LOVED!!! Just because it's at the bottom of the list, doesn't make it the least important. This item in fact is the MOST important.

I have a tendency to get overzealous in my list making, and end up easily overwhelmed. I think this is a manageable list of resolutions, and look forward to the new year, as I always do.

Do you feel the same way about Labor day?

Self Discipline

In the spring I injured myself, badly. I threw out my back, well my SI joint actually, with impressive severity. I had signed up for a mountain biking course, and only was able to make it to one out of the four classes. When I informed my instructor/friend/mentor that I physically wasn't able to continue she told me that when she had seen me for that one class all she could think about was my need for SELF DISCIPLINE.

This has stuck with me since I read it. It's true. Self discipline has always been something I have struggled with. I am a very enthusiastic starter, but have always failed on the follow through. I have an entire room of "started" craft projects. I stick to diets for on average ONE week. My laundry is generally clean, but only makes it to the basket or bed.

I really have no idea why I have such difficulty with follow through, but I aim for it to end now. I have an Autumn filled with exciting new experiences and projects that will all require discipline on my part. I am building my motivation now and hope it continues. Really, there's very little I can't accomplish if I just stick it out.