Tuesday, November 15, 2011

"He's Just Not That Into You"

So there's this guy, he's one of the roommates of a very close friend. She thinks we would be a good match. He's attractive, and we seem to have fairly easy conversation, he flirts shamelessly, and we have even shared a moment or two. I decided a while ago that I wouldn't do the chasing on this one, if something happened it was great, but if not that's okay too. Last week I pushed that line a little and suggested that if he wasn't doing anything it might be nice to grab a drink or something. It turned out that he was busy, and that's fine, but at least there is now no question that I'm interested.

Later that night we had a chat online. We discussed our days, we flirted, and then it happened. He gave me the "You're really sweet and deserve a "relationship", but I'm still struggling to get my shit together so it would be leading you on to get involved since I can't really give myself to anyone until I've figured out my shit" line. I told him it was a good thing to spend some time figuring out your own shit, that I'm a big girl, and how about we just hang out periodically and see if it turns into anything more.

The next day I was talking to my friend about the chat and that's where she pointed out that he was just feeding me a "line". She suggested that my response was just leaving me open to being nothing more than a "booty call". And that made me think.

Is "I don't have my shit together" our generation's version of "It's not you, it's me"?

I think it is, or at least that's how I'm going to take it. I have lots of days that I don't feel like I've got it all together, but I'm not going to use it as an excuse to not date. As I understand it the point of dating is to hang out with someone that you think is interesting/attractive/amusing and over time get to know them and their baggage and ultimately come to the decision as to whether their baggage is a good match with your own baggage. If we are all staying solo until we each feel we've got our lives figured out then we are going to be a very lonely generation, not to mention a very self-absorbed generation.

Am I the only one experiencing this "line"? Are both guys and gals using it? Have you ever used it yourself?