Friday, September 9, 2011

What's in a Name?

When I got married all those years ago I made the decision to hyphenate my name. I'm not sure if I should have taken that as a sign that all was not the fairytale that we all make our relationships out to be during our engagements. At the time I justified it with the fact that my generation in my family is made up exclusively of girls. EVERY single one of my siblings, cousins, and second cousins with my maiden name are girls. I am proud of my heritage, and my family, I couldn't bear the thought of the name ending with my generation. this was a decision that was never discussed with my husband-to-be(also a possible red flag), it was just something that was presented to him as the only option. I know he was a smidge upset. I know he was not happy to have to answer the constant "Why isn't she taking your name?" questions(Really? It was 2001, it shouldn't be that big a deal)

Now I find myself, 10 years later. I took my wedding ring off 19 months ago. I'm pulling all my stuff together to move forward on my divorce. And only last week realized that un-hyphenating my name will be part of that process. I still haven't really looked into what that will entail. I'm fairly certain that changing one's name after a divorce is far more challenging than changing it after a marriage. This is a process that will be worth it for me. I have already started in small ways. Yesterday I dropped the Ex's name from my facebook profile. I have stopped adding his name when I fill out forms for myself and for my boys.

Looks like it's an old name for a new start.


  1. It's rolled into the divorce proceeding where I live. It's a one time thing where you can change it back for free without incident, as long as it is done during the proceeding. Check and see if that's how it is there.

    I'm in the same boat. My maiden name ends with my sister and I . I had thought that I might change the kids to my name, but since they're girls, it'd be for nothing. Well... unless they keep it and bear a son to carry it on.

    Anyway big hugs!

  2. Yeah, here it's part of the proceeding.....there is just a box I check on the papers that says something like "do you wish you revert to a different name" or something like that. So at least thats easy.

    I did the same....I hyphenated, but so did my ex husband. I've been using just my maiden name ever since we split up, at least "publicly". That's the one thing I'm going to be grateful for when this is all over........I hate having to use my legal name still, I'll be glad when I get to legally drop the last part of my last name.

  3. My Mom hyphenated when she got married but did add her last name to my or my sister's legal names. Having my mostly absent father's last name played into my decision to change it when I got married.

  4. I never legally changed my name. All the banks and anything requiring an ID is in my maiden name. I love my married name, love the heritage and his family, but a little part of me just wasn't willing to let my name go. I refuse to believe that it means I don't have both feet planted in my marriage, I do however look at it as my name is part of me, part of who I am. And I wouldn't want to lose that piece of me, or any piece of me that led me to him. I know he's not happy about, I know his family still shakes their head when I refer to myself in my maiden name. But it's my decision just as it was yours to hyphenate. And the people that are in your life love you regardless of the name you choose to go by. :)