Last night I cancelled piano lessons for my son and myself. Rushing home from work, with the boys in tow, getting dinner cooked and eaten, and then inviting a stranger into my home for an hour starting at 5:30 was proving too stressful. I also work 2 evenings a week, and was having difficulty getting in piano practice time and homework, and all the other joys of daily living. All in all I just wasn't coping. I've come to terms with that, and am happy about my decision to cancel the classes. My son is only 7, there will be many more opportunities to expose him to music lessons.
I sent the piano teacher an e-mail, explaining that I was cancelling the lessons because I was having trouble making it all work. She e-mailed back saying that was fine, and that she was aware I was having trouble. Everything is fine, all parties are good.
Until this morning....
That would be when a new e-mail arrived from her in my inbox. In this e-mail she shared her experience of being a single mother, as well as other HEARTBREAKING experiences she has been dealt. She also stated that she had noticed how "stressed" I have been over the past few months of our lessons. She also offered her support should I need it. THEN....she also invited me to her community church, explaining that she would not have made it through her experiences had she not had the support of her church and God. That her relationship with God continues to be the only thing that gets her through her day to day life. Basically, that perhaps I would be less stressed and have a better perspective on life if I attended church and had a relationship with God.
I responded in a very diplomatic way, offering appreciation for her invitation but that I had a church that I grew up attending in the area and that should I choose to attend church I already have a community available.
However, Inside I was a little ticked. She does not know if I am already part of a church, however assumes since I am stressed out in my first year of being a single Mom I must not have a relationship with God. I'm still trying to figure out how having a relationship with God instantly makes everything better.
I was raised in a Christian family. Most Sundays I dressed in my pretty dress and tights and sat in the pew with my Mother and Sister. I sang in the children's choir, I went to Sunday School, I even read scripture when invited to during the Advent or Lent services. I even had the minister that I grew up listening to marry me 9 years ago. After all that I still have never felt a connection with God. Church for me has never been much more than a community looking for guidance from an invisible element that was created in a very long winded work of fiction long ago. I always enjoyed the "ceremony" of it all, and have fond memories of church growing up. I didn't hate it, I just didn't find any solace, strength, inspiration, or support from God.
In my pre-teens I started exploring spirituality. I have to be honest and say that I didn't go any further than neo-paganism, specifically Wicca.. However, I don't have a really strong need to settle with one organized religion. I find my spirituality in everything around me, I feel plenty supported, and even find guidance in my own way. I find comfort in celebrating the changes in the seasons. I find it stabilizing to look in the sky and be able to measure the progression of time by the size of the moon. I constantly receive guidance from the universe by paying attention to patterns that crop up in my day to day life. I find strength in seeing the resilience of nature, how plants and animals survive hash conditions and continue to grow and flourish. I get support from my large family and my great circle of friends. To me, this is what spirituality is, I don't need to congregate weekly to feel all these things.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Improving your Married Sexlife
The other night I went out for coffee with a great friend and discovered that she is struggling in her marriage again. She and her husband have had a few difficult times this year, but have continued to work through it. I won't get into all the intricacies for their issues, but one hit sort of close to home.
Hubby has a high sex drive, and Wifey(due to relationship issues) is having difficulty finding him attractive/desirable. I gave her my advice, and then went home and talked with the Guy about it and he added his male two cents.
So from these conversations here is our input on...
How To Improve Your Married Sex Life
For the Wives:
My therapist loved the line "Fake it till you make it", meaning sometimes you have to go through the motions until something becomes fun/pleasant/habit. This can be applied to sex. Sex gets better the more you have, your bodies actually release all kinds of happy hormones when you have sex. But sometimes you need to force yourself to have sex, even though you really want sleep.
Ladies, your guy wants you to initiate sex periodically. They want to feel wanted just as much as you do. They are tired of always being the one "nagging" for sex. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, how many times could you stand being told "no" before you gave up all together?
Get over the socialization that hundreds of years of religious prudes have created and just admit that you LIKE sex already. We all do, it feels great, it causes a closeness with our partners that nothing else can match, and it releases all those happy hormones. The whole world would be much happier if women would allow themselves to admit that they like sex.
Fantasize!!! This is closely connected to the previous item. Now that you have admitted that you like sex, it's time to figure out what your fantasies are. Cause I'm guessing they do not involve 20 minutes of giving your guy head and then playing with your clit in order to get off while he bangs the hell out of you. Although if it does that's great too. But this fantasy is about what YOU want, not what you think HE would like.
PLAY!!! We hold the power. We have the currency. Use it! Send your guy off to work with a dirty note in his pocket, send him numerous dirty texts through the day, if he has a smart phone send him a pic of his favourite part of your body. It's surprising how knowing that he's at work all turned on and frustrated for the entire day can really get your body going as well. Also, he will be very helpful with getting the evening routine done that night ;)
Tell them what you want! And then tell them when that has changed too. But in as gentle a way as possible. Men can be a bit dim. If he always does things the same way, it's probably because you ONCE said you liked it that way. Guys are more than happy to take direction, sometimes they take it too well :)
For The Husbands:
Your wife is TIRED!!! If you really want to make an impression really be a partner in the house. This means helping out with the day to day routines. If she cooked, maybe you can do the dishes. If she's doing bathtime with the baby, you could do homework with the older ones. These little things make a huge difference in how tired she will feel once the kids are in bed.
Woo her. I know at the beginning you had to do all the work to get her to notice you and ultimately fall in love with you. But that does NOT mean that you never have to try again once the ring is on her finger. I can guarantee that if you take her out for an evening doing something that you think she would enjoy (without her having to ask, or plan any of it) you'll get lucky.
Stop pawing at her. This one I cannot express strongly enough. Most of us love a nice touch, kiss, hug, or caress, keep them up. However, grabbing our boobs, with the kids in the room, while we are trying to cook or do dishes is NOT going to get you anywhere. I can promise you this. If you want to get laid, make us feel sexy, desirable, respected. Overt sexual touch at inappropriate times just makes us feel like a piece of meat, and there's nothing sexy about that.
Change things up a bit. Just because she said once that it was really nice when you spent 15 minutes worshipping her nipples, does not mean that she wants that ALL THE TIME. It was nice the first time, maybe even a few times after that, but it looses something when it becomes a formula. I know it's harsh, but she probably won't say anything, so I'm doing it for her.
For You BOTH:
TALK, TALK, TALK!!! You got married, you've dealt with sickness, money, in-laws, maybe pregnancy and babies, or the even more difficult issues of pregnancy challenges. You NEED to talk about sex too. I totally understand the challenge of talking about this stuff face to face, so give online chatting or texting a try. It's really amazing how much more comfortable you can be admitting your fantasies or concerns in writing.
Do some homework. There are hundreds of books, movies, websites dedicated to sex. Give some new ideas a try. Kit at BloggingDangerously has a slew of great couples sex homework. I particularly like the first in her Devoir series, you can find all of the series if you check out the archives link.
I hope that this helps some of you. I'm interested to hear what additions you might have as well. Hope you all have some great sex today, or at least make the first steps towards it.
Hubby has a high sex drive, and Wifey(due to relationship issues) is having difficulty finding him attractive/desirable. I gave her my advice, and then went home and talked with the Guy about it and he added his male two cents.
So from these conversations here is our input on...
How To Improve Your Married Sex Life
For the Wives:
My therapist loved the line "Fake it till you make it", meaning sometimes you have to go through the motions until something becomes fun/pleasant/habit. This can be applied to sex. Sex gets better the more you have, your bodies actually release all kinds of happy hormones when you have sex. But sometimes you need to force yourself to have sex, even though you really want sleep.
Ladies, your guy wants you to initiate sex periodically. They want to feel wanted just as much as you do. They are tired of always being the one "nagging" for sex. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, how many times could you stand being told "no" before you gave up all together?
Get over the socialization that hundreds of years of religious prudes have created and just admit that you LIKE sex already. We all do, it feels great, it causes a closeness with our partners that nothing else can match, and it releases all those happy hormones. The whole world would be much happier if women would allow themselves to admit that they like sex.
Fantasize!!! This is closely connected to the previous item. Now that you have admitted that you like sex, it's time to figure out what your fantasies are. Cause I'm guessing they do not involve 20 minutes of giving your guy head and then playing with your clit in order to get off while he bangs the hell out of you. Although if it does that's great too. But this fantasy is about what YOU want, not what you think HE would like.
PLAY!!! We hold the power. We have the currency. Use it! Send your guy off to work with a dirty note in his pocket, send him numerous dirty texts through the day, if he has a smart phone send him a pic of his favourite part of your body. It's surprising how knowing that he's at work all turned on and frustrated for the entire day can really get your body going as well. Also, he will be very helpful with getting the evening routine done that night ;)
Tell them what you want! And then tell them when that has changed too. But in as gentle a way as possible. Men can be a bit dim. If he always does things the same way, it's probably because you ONCE said you liked it that way. Guys are more than happy to take direction, sometimes they take it too well :)
For The Husbands:
Your wife is TIRED!!! If you really want to make an impression really be a partner in the house. This means helping out with the day to day routines. If she cooked, maybe you can do the dishes. If she's doing bathtime with the baby, you could do homework with the older ones. These little things make a huge difference in how tired she will feel once the kids are in bed.
Woo her. I know at the beginning you had to do all the work to get her to notice you and ultimately fall in love with you. But that does NOT mean that you never have to try again once the ring is on her finger. I can guarantee that if you take her out for an evening doing something that you think she would enjoy (without her having to ask, or plan any of it) you'll get lucky.
Stop pawing at her. This one I cannot express strongly enough. Most of us love a nice touch, kiss, hug, or caress, keep them up. However, grabbing our boobs, with the kids in the room, while we are trying to cook or do dishes is NOT going to get you anywhere. I can promise you this. If you want to get laid, make us feel sexy, desirable, respected. Overt sexual touch at inappropriate times just makes us feel like a piece of meat, and there's nothing sexy about that.
Change things up a bit. Just because she said once that it was really nice when you spent 15 minutes worshipping her nipples, does not mean that she wants that ALL THE TIME. It was nice the first time, maybe even a few times after that, but it looses something when it becomes a formula. I know it's harsh, but she probably won't say anything, so I'm doing it for her.
For You BOTH:
TALK, TALK, TALK!!! You got married, you've dealt with sickness, money, in-laws, maybe pregnancy and babies, or the even more difficult issues of pregnancy challenges. You NEED to talk about sex too. I totally understand the challenge of talking about this stuff face to face, so give online chatting or texting a try. It's really amazing how much more comfortable you can be admitting your fantasies or concerns in writing.
Do some homework. There are hundreds of books, movies, websites dedicated to sex. Give some new ideas a try. Kit at BloggingDangerously has a slew of great couples sex homework. I particularly like the first in her Devoir series, you can find all of the series if you check out the archives link.
I hope that this helps some of you. I'm interested to hear what additions you might have as well. Hope you all have some great sex today, or at least make the first steps towards it.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
What If?
Today I went to "The Fair". If you grew up out here you would know the importance of the Fair. This is like our "Homecoming" weekend. Vacation time is booked around it, Babysitters are booked far in advance, and a safe estimate is that about 50% of every graduating class is in attendance. So given this information I should have expected that I might have bumped into this person, especially since he still lives in the community.
In every life there are people that you meet that have an impact on you. People that you have very strong feelings for. People that perhaps you pursue, or not, but for whatever reason things just don't work out. Maybe you are never single at the same time. Maybe one of you is going away to college. Maybe one of you has a child and an on again off again relationship with the other parent. Or maybe you give it a go and things just don't work out, but the feelings have always still been there.
This guy fits many of these scenarios in my life.
The interesting thing is that I've gotten a chance to talk with him a few times since we left High School, and every time I'm left with the realization of how different we have become. He truly was my best friend in high school. I saw him date many girls, he saw me date many guys. Some we approved of, others...not so much. I remember watching him "court" other girls with a maturity and romanticism that was very rare in a high school guy. The guys I dated never made that much effort. Other than the fact that we never really hooked up we seemed so alike, got along so well.
Now when he sees me he questions my hair styles. He questions why anyone would pierce anything, especially their face. He wonders why one would get a tattoo that can't be covered. These are topics that are covered in 5 minute, greet on the street conversations. I didn't think back then that he was that conservative, or judgmental.
This makes me wonder how I would have turned out if we had ended up together. Would I have also become conservative? Would I have also become judgmental? Would I feel like the true me was held back, stifled even? Am I the person that I am today because I have a strong personality and know who I am? Or am I the person I am today because I chose a different path and was influenced by the things that my Ex found to be attractive?
I also wonder if he has become the person he is because of the influence of his wife? Would I have been the stronger personality? Would I have stood up and fought his judgment? Justified my choices? Brought him more in line with MY values?
I really believe that every person we meet has the ability to have an impact on our lives. If we are willing to listen our views can be changed. We without a doubt are altered by every romantic relationship we are in. There is always a new SOMETHING that we are introduced to by a new partner. In an ideal world we come out more open-minded and well-rounded with every relationship and every conversation we have.
So far in my life I've only had 2 real "ones that got away". I'm currently getting a bit of a second chance with one, we seem to still be quite similar. The other one, obviously, our paths have turned us into quite different people.
Who do you "wonder" about? Have you gotten a second chance? If the chance presented itself, would you go for it?
In every life there are people that you meet that have an impact on you. People that you have very strong feelings for. People that perhaps you pursue, or not, but for whatever reason things just don't work out. Maybe you are never single at the same time. Maybe one of you is going away to college. Maybe one of you has a child and an on again off again relationship with the other parent. Or maybe you give it a go and things just don't work out, but the feelings have always still been there.
This guy fits many of these scenarios in my life.
The interesting thing is that I've gotten a chance to talk with him a few times since we left High School, and every time I'm left with the realization of how different we have become. He truly was my best friend in high school. I saw him date many girls, he saw me date many guys. Some we approved of, others...not so much. I remember watching him "court" other girls with a maturity and romanticism that was very rare in a high school guy. The guys I dated never made that much effort. Other than the fact that we never really hooked up we seemed so alike, got along so well.
Now when he sees me he questions my hair styles. He questions why anyone would pierce anything, especially their face. He wonders why one would get a tattoo that can't be covered. These are topics that are covered in 5 minute, greet on the street conversations. I didn't think back then that he was that conservative, or judgmental.
This makes me wonder how I would have turned out if we had ended up together. Would I have also become conservative? Would I have also become judgmental? Would I feel like the true me was held back, stifled even? Am I the person that I am today because I have a strong personality and know who I am? Or am I the person I am today because I chose a different path and was influenced by the things that my Ex found to be attractive?
I also wonder if he has become the person he is because of the influence of his wife? Would I have been the stronger personality? Would I have stood up and fought his judgment? Justified my choices? Brought him more in line with MY values?
I really believe that every person we meet has the ability to have an impact on our lives. If we are willing to listen our views can be changed. We without a doubt are altered by every romantic relationship we are in. There is always a new SOMETHING that we are introduced to by a new partner. In an ideal world we come out more open-minded and well-rounded with every relationship and every conversation we have.
So far in my life I've only had 2 real "ones that got away". I'm currently getting a bit of a second chance with one, we seem to still be quite similar. The other one, obviously, our paths have turned us into quite different people.
Who do you "wonder" about? Have you gotten a second chance? If the chance presented itself, would you go for it?
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Grateful for an Equinox Retreat
As some of you know a few weeks ago I was having a rough time. I had made the realization that I may lose my house with this separation and it was hitting me hard. In the midst of this horribly emotional week I received an e-mail from my dear friend Dom. She was going to hold an Autumn Retreat at her wonderful brainchild The Creative Wheel Centre. This was to be her first W.I.N. (Women In Nature) retreat, and was I interested. I was ecstatic to discover it was on a weekend that the boys were going to be at their Father's house. It was just what I needed.
So Saturday morning, I packed up my camping gear, and my bike, and headed to Creative Wheel to see what I might discover about myself with Dom as my guide. There were five women that were committed enough to brave the cold, dreary weather. That were committed enough to spend a weekend in an unheated building, with no electricity, or running indoor plumbing. That were committed enough to be honest with themselves about the stuff that they needed to explore.
We began the weekend by taking an oath of confidentiality in order to respect each other and make the retreat a safe place for everyone.(so I will only talk about my own experiences) We then moved on to breaking in Dom's new set of Medicine Cards. We passed them around, and each drew a card. When I drew my card two stuck together, and since it wasn't my first time drawing cards I knew that I should keep both. These cards were drawn with the intention of finding a guide for the duration of the weekend. The cards that I drew were the BUFFALO(prayer and abundance), and the LIZARD(dreams). These were very appropriate guides for my weekend since one of my main goals was to start the process of manifesting my dream clinic/retreat centre.
Later in the day on Saturday we were taken on a "shamanic journey" in order to discover our true spirit guide. This was a 20 minute process where we were lying comfortably on the floor while Dom drummed for us. We were guided to search for an "opening" to the underworld where we would meet at least on animal that would tell us if they were or were not our spirit guide. Unfortunately I was not able to find the opening to the underworld because I was constantly interrupted every time I set out on my journey by people in my life. I did not get frustrated about this, but decided to contemplate what it means. Which I am still doing.
That night I slept alone in my tent. I was totally dead to the world, which I didn't realize until the next morning when Dom asked if I heard her restart the fire at 3am. The answer was "no".
Sunday we spent the morning chatting by the fire, drinking coffee and eating wonderful oatmeal. The afternoon was spent hiking in the rain up the mountain. We did so quietly, paying attention to the Earth and taking MANY pictures, mostly of mushrooms. At the top of the mountain we had tea, and made a small fire where we drew another card while asking a question. We also made a small tobacco offering to thank the Universe for all that we have.
The question I asked at the top of the mountain was, How will I accomplish my goal of creating my centre? The guide I got was the Squirrel(gathering). This is the perfect guide for that particular journey.
The entire weekend offered me many ideas to think about. It also helped me towards a much more concrete idea of what I want my future to look like. I met some really very amazing women. Dom is hoping to hold a W.I.N. retreat in each season. I hope that I will be able to continue attending them. Dom hopes that I will become a co-facilitator with her. This is an exciting, and very frightening idea.
The weekend was EXACTLY what I needed. I am very grateful.
So Saturday morning, I packed up my camping gear, and my bike, and headed to Creative Wheel to see what I might discover about myself with Dom as my guide. There were five women that were committed enough to brave the cold, dreary weather. That were committed enough to spend a weekend in an unheated building, with no electricity, or running indoor plumbing. That were committed enough to be honest with themselves about the stuff that they needed to explore.
We began the weekend by taking an oath of confidentiality in order to respect each other and make the retreat a safe place for everyone.(so I will only talk about my own experiences) We then moved on to breaking in Dom's new set of Medicine Cards. We passed them around, and each drew a card. When I drew my card two stuck together, and since it wasn't my first time drawing cards I knew that I should keep both. These cards were drawn with the intention of finding a guide for the duration of the weekend. The cards that I drew were the BUFFALO(prayer and abundance), and the LIZARD(dreams). These were very appropriate guides for my weekend since one of my main goals was to start the process of manifesting my dream clinic/retreat centre.
Later in the day on Saturday we were taken on a "shamanic journey" in order to discover our true spirit guide. This was a 20 minute process where we were lying comfortably on the floor while Dom drummed for us. We were guided to search for an "opening" to the underworld where we would meet at least on animal that would tell us if they were or were not our spirit guide. Unfortunately I was not able to find the opening to the underworld because I was constantly interrupted every time I set out on my journey by people in my life. I did not get frustrated about this, but decided to contemplate what it means. Which I am still doing.
That night I slept alone in my tent. I was totally dead to the world, which I didn't realize until the next morning when Dom asked if I heard her restart the fire at 3am. The answer was "no".
Sunday we spent the morning chatting by the fire, drinking coffee and eating wonderful oatmeal. The afternoon was spent hiking in the rain up the mountain. We did so quietly, paying attention to the Earth and taking MANY pictures, mostly of mushrooms. At the top of the mountain we had tea, and made a small fire where we drew another card while asking a question. We also made a small tobacco offering to thank the Universe for all that we have.
The question I asked at the top of the mountain was, How will I accomplish my goal of creating my centre? The guide I got was the Squirrel(gathering). This is the perfect guide for that particular journey.
The entire weekend offered me many ideas to think about. It also helped me towards a much more concrete idea of what I want my future to look like. I met some really very amazing women. Dom is hoping to hold a W.I.N. retreat in each season. I hope that I will be able to continue attending them. Dom hopes that I will become a co-facilitator with her. This is an exciting, and very frightening idea.
The weekend was EXACTLY what I needed. I am very grateful.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Simple Pleasures
One of the things that you need to do as a single person, well really any person, is find the pleasure in simple things. I find this helps me to remember who I REALLY am. My simple pleasures are just mine, they are very rarely created by my connections to others,. They are also experiential, usually something I can enjoy as a little moment in my day, not realted to a specific accomplishment. We all have our "public personnae", simple pleasures give us little breaks to re-connect with our true selves. Take some time this week and think about or even enjoy some of your simple pleasures.
Jennie's List of HER Simple Pleasures
I would love to hear what some of your simple pleasures are, please share.
Jennie's List of HER Simple Pleasures
- The first slice of cheese after the block has been grated (my tongue loves the feel of the ridges)
- The sound of a 2 year old laughing, there's no better sound in the world (this is the single reason I would give up my eyesight before my hearing, hands down)
- Hearing a song that takes me back to a WONDERFUL time in my life (there are many songs and times, I hear at least one of these a day)
- Eating a perfectly cooked potato (it must be very soft, like eating silk)
- Holding a baby that has curled up in a ball against my chest(E used to do this, arms pulled in tight, knees up to his chest)
- Driving a really amazing road, beautiful scenery, hilly, and curvy (the canyon roads North of LA are perfect examples)
- Drinking a TAZO soy chai, iced in summer, hot in winter (takes me to a happy place for at least 30 minutes)
- Getting into a freshly made bed, sheets preferably line-dried
- Feeling some truely lovely fibre, alpaca, marino, possum
I would love to hear what some of your simple pleasures are, please share.
Monday, September 6, 2010
New Year's Resolutions
I know it isn't New Years yet, but hear me out. Last year I realized that to the people of the earth involved with school the beginning of the school year is the REAL New Year. This is the time of new beginnings for teachers, students, and parents. We've all had a long break, a break that throws our routines, schedules, and good/bad habits out of whack. Then along comes some arbitrary day, for most following Labor Day, and all of a sudden we need to find those routines and schedules again. I figure that while I'm at it, I might as well try and make some improvements along the way. That is why I have proclaimed the return of my kids to school as MY New Year.
I don't even remember what last year's "resolutions" were, I'm sure that I failed miserably as at this time last year I was full on miserable about the state of my marriage. I'm sure that just like I always do I resolved to be better at cleaning, lose weight, eat healthy, blah, blah, blah.
This year I need to do all of those normal resolutions that just about everyone seems to have, but this year I have some that are a bit more specific to me, or at least to my current situation.
#1. I resolve to have one day a week that is "YES Day". A day that as long as it isn't going to hurt anyone, and a couple things that need to get done happen I will say YES to my children and their requests of me and my time.
#2. I resolve to stay on top of the things I NEED to do. This is a relatively "common" resolution I know, but for me, this year, it will be an important one. For me it will mean proving to myself, and my Ex that I am capable of taking care of myself and my boys. In this category will be little things like staying on top of the housework, keeping up with bills, remembering the boys school "schedule", as well as bigger things like purging my house, and dealing with the lawyer right away. I'm realizing after putting it all into words, that ALL of that might be BIG things.
#3. I resolve to make sure that the people I Love feel Loved. I will make more effort to stay in touch with my family and friends. I will make more of an effort to remember and acknowledge birthdays. I will be as considerate and giving as I can be. My family in particular are very supportive and giving people, they deserve to know how much I appreciate them.
#4. I resolve to bring my expectations of my Ex down into line with the reality that I know. For some reason I have had this hope that my Ex would suddenly become "Super Dad" now that we are separated, and as such I have spent the past six months disappointed for my boys, and resentful. I now realize that it is wrong of me the expect him to be anything more than he always has been. I need to let that go so that I can be the MOTHER that my boys deserve.
#5. I resolve to enjoy life. I tend to be a thinker, researcher, and worrier. these things were all pretty good attributes when I was a teen with outgoing friends(I have always been a mother hen), but now as I get older I feel that it holds me back. I have never been impulsive, out going, or (most sadly) PASSIONATE. I will take some baby steps here, since spontaneity is a pretty big deal for me. I will make more effort to take advantage of opportunities that present themselves. I will also STOP thinking through the entire situation before deciding to go forward. I do not have a crystal ball, I cannot see how something will end, so why should I say no based on the outcome that my imagination created?
I'm confident that this "year" will bring many changes, many improvements. I hope that with this list to guide me I'll be one more step towards having it all "together". I am finally beginning to create a new life for myself and my boys, and I'm really excited to see where it takes us.
What are your New Years Resolutions?
I don't even remember what last year's "resolutions" were, I'm sure that I failed miserably as at this time last year I was full on miserable about the state of my marriage. I'm sure that just like I always do I resolved to be better at cleaning, lose weight, eat healthy, blah, blah, blah.
This year I need to do all of those normal resolutions that just about everyone seems to have, but this year I have some that are a bit more specific to me, or at least to my current situation.
#1. I resolve to have one day a week that is "YES Day". A day that as long as it isn't going to hurt anyone, and a couple things that need to get done happen I will say YES to my children and their requests of me and my time.
#2. I resolve to stay on top of the things I NEED to do. This is a relatively "common" resolution I know, but for me, this year, it will be an important one. For me it will mean proving to myself, and my Ex that I am capable of taking care of myself and my boys. In this category will be little things like staying on top of the housework, keeping up with bills, remembering the boys school "schedule", as well as bigger things like purging my house, and dealing with the lawyer right away. I'm realizing after putting it all into words, that ALL of that might be BIG things.
#3. I resolve to make sure that the people I Love feel Loved. I will make more effort to stay in touch with my family and friends. I will make more of an effort to remember and acknowledge birthdays. I will be as considerate and giving as I can be. My family in particular are very supportive and giving people, they deserve to know how much I appreciate them.
#4. I resolve to bring my expectations of my Ex down into line with the reality that I know. For some reason I have had this hope that my Ex would suddenly become "Super Dad" now that we are separated, and as such I have spent the past six months disappointed for my boys, and resentful. I now realize that it is wrong of me the expect him to be anything more than he always has been. I need to let that go so that I can be the MOTHER that my boys deserve.
#5. I resolve to enjoy life. I tend to be a thinker, researcher, and worrier. these things were all pretty good attributes when I was a teen with outgoing friends(I have always been a mother hen), but now as I get older I feel that it holds me back. I have never been impulsive, out going, or (most sadly) PASSIONATE. I will take some baby steps here, since spontaneity is a pretty big deal for me. I will make more effort to take advantage of opportunities that present themselves. I will also STOP thinking through the entire situation before deciding to go forward. I do not have a crystal ball, I cannot see how something will end, so why should I say no based on the outcome that my imagination created?
I'm confident that this "year" will bring many changes, many improvements. I hope that with this list to guide me I'll be one more step towards having it all "together". I am finally beginning to create a new life for myself and my boys, and I'm really excited to see where it takes us.
What are your New Years Resolutions?
Friday, September 3, 2010
Dream
My sister has a cute little name for me that I think she means in the nicest possible way. My little sister calls me a "new-age hippie freak". I have decided that I like this name. It does actually suit me.
I grew up and came of age in the Nineties, the "grunge" generation. I love my jeans, t-shirts, and army boots. I've had many different hair colours, and got my first tattoos and piercings at a relatively young age.
I was also raised in the country, by parents that were pretty self-sufficient. My father BUILT the house I grew up in, he was an angler, a hunter, and an artist. My mother is a gardener, a crafter, a cook, and a very energetic woman. I grew up eating food from our garden, from the lake at the cottage, and from the wild. I was blessed with an upbringing that very few of my generation got to experience.
I am also a massage therapist. The massage world has helped mould me into someone that is relatively spiritual, but not Christian. I believe in the "energy" of the world and all people and things that live in it. I have a distinct fondness for Birkenstocks and long skirts.
These are some of the things that have had an impact on creating the ME that I am. I think none of the above would be a surprise to anyone that has met me, I feel I really do live based on those influences. I am a pretty happy mess most of the time :)
I felt I needed to share that before I moved forward with my post, since those items have influenced the DREAM that I have.For some reason I feel like sharing it with you. This is a dream that I am pretty confident I will achieve. It is also a dream that causes me(along with MANY other things) to be reluctant to find a partner. I'm concerned that I would end up sacrificing my dream if someone else came into my life.
So what is this DREAM you ask? It really is a relatively simple dream, really a dream for a simple life as well.
I want to run a combination massage clinic/Yoga and Nia studio/artist retreat.
My home will be smallish, just big enough to fulfill the needs of myself, my family, and my business. I love the idea of a round home and have fallen for Mandala Homes How gorgeous are they?
My clinic will most likely be above my garage in an effort to have a small footprint. I currently plan to have two treatment rooms, an office, a reception area, and a Yoga/Nia studio. Depending on the space I may drop it down to just one treatment room. Hopefully the studio will have a large wall of mirrors that will overlook the pond.
I also intend to build a couple little cottages. these will be at the far end of the property so that they will be private. these will be the art studios. I would like to have one set up for conventional visual arts, and the other for more textile type arts. They will also have sleeping quarters and a small kitchen. I would like to have communal meals as much as possible.
I will also have a very extensive vegetable garden and a small orchard. Much of what we eat will come from the property.
I already have a piece of land. It is just under three acres. It is wooded and has a pond that takes up about one acre. All I need now is to get moving, simplify, cut back, and save.
I think that this would be an amazing way to live my life. It's what I will be working towards.
I grew up and came of age in the Nineties, the "grunge" generation. I love my jeans, t-shirts, and army boots. I've had many different hair colours, and got my first tattoos and piercings at a relatively young age.
I was also raised in the country, by parents that were pretty self-sufficient. My father BUILT the house I grew up in, he was an angler, a hunter, and an artist. My mother is a gardener, a crafter, a cook, and a very energetic woman. I grew up eating food from our garden, from the lake at the cottage, and from the wild. I was blessed with an upbringing that very few of my generation got to experience.
I am also a massage therapist. The massage world has helped mould me into someone that is relatively spiritual, but not Christian. I believe in the "energy" of the world and all people and things that live in it. I have a distinct fondness for Birkenstocks and long skirts.
These are some of the things that have had an impact on creating the ME that I am. I think none of the above would be a surprise to anyone that has met me, I feel I really do live based on those influences. I am a pretty happy mess most of the time :)
I felt I needed to share that before I moved forward with my post, since those items have influenced the DREAM that I have.For some reason I feel like sharing it with you. This is a dream that I am pretty confident I will achieve. It is also a dream that causes me(along with MANY other things) to be reluctant to find a partner. I'm concerned that I would end up sacrificing my dream if someone else came into my life.
So what is this DREAM you ask? It really is a relatively simple dream, really a dream for a simple life as well.
I want to run a combination massage clinic/Yoga and Nia studio/artist retreat.
My home will be smallish, just big enough to fulfill the needs of myself, my family, and my business. I love the idea of a round home and have fallen for Mandala Homes How gorgeous are they?
My clinic will most likely be above my garage in an effort to have a small footprint. I currently plan to have two treatment rooms, an office, a reception area, and a Yoga/Nia studio. Depending on the space I may drop it down to just one treatment room. Hopefully the studio will have a large wall of mirrors that will overlook the pond.
I also intend to build a couple little cottages. these will be at the far end of the property so that they will be private. these will be the art studios. I would like to have one set up for conventional visual arts, and the other for more textile type arts. They will also have sleeping quarters and a small kitchen. I would like to have communal meals as much as possible.
I will also have a very extensive vegetable garden and a small orchard. Much of what we eat will come from the property.
I already have a piece of land. It is just under three acres. It is wooded and has a pond that takes up about one acre. All I need now is to get moving, simplify, cut back, and save.
I think that this would be an amazing way to live my life. It's what I will be working towards.
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