I'm the Vice Ruler

When I was in high school I was kind of shy. May people find that difficult to believe, since I certainly stood out. I'm comfortable with my body and the image that I portray from a physical stand point. I have always worn colour, I have been dying my hair un-natural colours since I was about 15 years old, I can be loud, and my laughter is rarely held back....I stand out!
However, I am shy. I find it difficult to have conversations with people that I don't instantly "click" with. I am scared to death of public speaking. I am also very nervous about approaching people I don't know, like when you are soliciting donations, etc. Because of these concerns I never got involved in activities in high school.

In college I moved away from my carefully constructed support system and floundered, HUGE! I had a lot of difficulty making close friends, there isn't a single person except my Ex from my college experience that is anything more than a "facebook friend". I was in class and studying LONG hours for a college program(we averaged 25 hours a week min in class), I had a boyfriend that was in a different program and was not very social. So needless to say I did not take advantage of the social opportunities that were available.

Fast forward to NOW. I am happily living and working in the village that I grew up in. I love my village for it's very strong community spirit, the many activities that are organized here, the closeness of the villagers, and the extreme acceptance that exists here. This is a village that I am proud to call home, that I'm proud to be raising my boys in, and that I want to truly be a part of.

This brings us to last night. A friend who happens to be the President of the Village Community Association asked if she could nominate ME to be Vice President. ME! You know the shy one, the one that has NO experience with social groups, the single Mom that works full time. In spite of all of this, I accepted her nomination because I fully support the important work that they do, and want to be a part of it.
Well wouldn't you know...I was voted in with no challenger.

And so, this weeks "First" for me is becoming involved in a social organization, and I went big!

It's going to be a great year, very busy, but loads of fun!

Year of "Firsts"

It's been almost a year now since my Ex and I separated, there has been a lot of change in that year, a lot of learning, and quite a bit of challenge. I have decided that for the year 2011 I will be trying new things. Of course, I will share my experiences with you all :-)

A few weeks ago as I was sitting, mourning my Birthday on a totally new level while also attempting(for the first time in my life)to plan a birthday party for myself, I realized that I have no idea what "I" like to do for fun. This got me thinking that maybe it was time that I put myself out there and had some new experiences. Over the coming year I will post not only about my "first" experiences, but also just about anything that I do or that happens to me that is a "first".

2011 "Firsts" so far

*I went OUT for new Years Eve -Russell Legion, but was still the first time I've ever gone out

*I spent my birthday"alone" -I was with my kids, then worked, but no adult loved ones. Won't do this again!!!

*I went skating on the canal alone - This was nice, and will be done MANY times in the rest of my life

*I threw my own birthday party - The weather and illness once again decided to fuck this up, but my soup party was great none the less


I hope to do a "firsts" post each week. I would love you all to join me, make suggestions, or even invite me along for one of your "firsts". How about we all spend this year trying new stuff?

The REAL Reason I Need To Get Healthy

Today my Dad would have turned 61. But he didn't. He made it to 47 before he lost his battle with colon cancer , partly due to his profession as a Firefighter and partly due to a relatively unhealthy lifestyle.

In the past 14 years since he died he has missed so much, my family has missed him so much, and I cannot bear the thought of my boys going through what my sister and I have. I don't blame him, I'm not angry with him, I'm just sad.

In 14 years my Father has missed;

-Seeing my sister graduate high school and university
-Seeing me graduate from college
-Sharing my joy when I finally passed my board exams
-Walking me down the aisle on my wedding day
-Holding his grandsons in the first hours of their lives, or any moment afterwards
-Hearing about my sisters amazing travels around the world
-Joining my Mom on her travels around the world
-Meeting the man of my sisters dreams, who is so perfect for her
-The joy of being an "empty-nester" with his wife
-The pride of seeing is daughters turn into responsible adults, instead of the bratty teenagers we were when he died

These are the REAL reasons I will think twice before I eat anything with wheat(I'm intolerant), or drink pop, or skip my veggies, or skip my workout, or consider ordering a meal that is completely deepfried.

Losing weight is a bonus for sure, but is really of very little consequence when stacked beside living to see my boys grow into old men.

Happy Birthday Dad xox

Bring IT! 2011

So 2010 was a big year for me and my family. A year of changes, of learning new routines, of re-prioritizing. Some of those things have been accomplished, others still need work. I am confident that at this time a year from now I will be so much closer to being the person I want to be, and living the life I really want for myself and my family.

I know that everyone says that in order to actually keep New Years Resolutions they must be few and quite simple. But I'm a list person and in order to keep on track I need to have a few items, that are then broken down into smaller tasks. So here I go....

Happy Family
- declutter my home
- spend more quality time together
- say "yes" more often
- take daily pictures of our life
- visit extended family more often

Happy Work
- send welcome cards to new clients
- create an e-mail database for newsletters and availability
- read more technique books
- go to some Breakfast Business Club meetings

Happy Community
- become more involved with Village Association
- become involved with the local food cupboard
- become involved with PTA
- become more involved with the Creative Wheel Centre

Happy Me
- drop weight
- improve fitness so that biking is more fun
- start doing more yoga
- complete my started crafts
- spend more time with my beautiful and supportive friends
- spend all downtime at work earning my Nutrition diploma
- STOP WASTING TIME

I know it looks like a pretty big list, and it is. Hopefully having it all written down will help me keep on top of it. I'll aim for checking back here every month and with determination and drive I'll be able to scratch a number of items off this list.

Happy 2011 Everyone. Bring It!

I Guess I'm Doing Something Right

The other day the boys came home from their Dad's house and my youngest did something that makes my heart sing. Something that gives me faith that even though he might be a handful a lot of the time, in the end he will be a wonderful human being. And really that's what I consider to be my ultimate "job" as a parent.

While at their Dad's place the dog ate my eldest's duct tape wallet that he made at the After School Program. This is one of his special items, something that he's proud of and actually takes care of. It got eaten because his younger brother didn't hear him ask for it to be put away.

Yesterday morning(the youngest's birthday no less) Youngest was doing something in the dining room, and yelling at Eldest not to come in that he was doing something special. I went to investigate. Youngest was removing his own name from his duct tape wallet, and attempting to write his big brother's name in its place. I helped. When he was satisfied, Youngest went and happily presented the wallet to his older brother.

These little acts of kindness make me so proud as a mother. It was such a thoughtful gesture. The image of my two boys, sitting side by side on the step, in their pyjamas, hugging will be forever ingrained in my "photobank".

Thanks, But No Thanks

Last night I cancelled piano lessons for my son and myself. Rushing home from work, with the boys in tow, getting dinner cooked and eaten, and then inviting a stranger into my home for an hour starting at 5:30 was proving too stressful. I also work 2 evenings a week, and was having difficulty getting in piano practice time and homework, and all the other joys of daily living. All in all I just wasn't coping. I've come to terms with that, and am happy about my decision to cancel the classes. My son is only 7, there will be many more opportunities to expose him to music lessons.

I sent the piano teacher an e-mail, explaining that I was cancelling the lessons because I was having trouble making it all work. She e-mailed back saying that was fine, and that she was aware I was having trouble. Everything is fine, all parties are good.

Until this morning....

That would be when a new e-mail arrived from her in my inbox. In this e-mail she shared her experience of being a single mother, as well as other HEARTBREAKING experiences she has been dealt. She also stated that she had noticed how "stressed" I have been over the past few months of our lessons. She also offered her support should I need it. THEN....she also invited me to her community church, explaining that she would not have made it through her experiences had she not had the support of her church and God. That her relationship with God continues to be the only thing that gets her through her day to day life. Basically, that perhaps I would be less stressed and have a better perspective on life if I attended church and had a relationship with God.

I responded in a very diplomatic way, offering appreciation for her invitation but that I had a church that I grew up attending in the area and that should I choose to attend church I already have a community available.

However, Inside I was a little ticked. She does not know if I am already part of a church, however assumes since I am stressed out in my first year of being a single Mom I must not have a relationship with God. I'm still trying to figure out how having a relationship with God instantly makes everything better.

I was raised in a Christian family. Most Sundays I dressed in my pretty dress and tights and sat in the pew with my Mother and Sister. I sang in the children's choir, I went to Sunday School, I even read scripture when invited to during the Advent or Lent services. I even had the minister that I grew up listening to marry me 9 years ago. After all that I still have never felt a connection with God. Church for me has never been much more than a community looking for guidance from an invisible element that was created in a very long winded work of fiction long ago. I always enjoyed the "ceremony" of it all, and have fond memories of church growing up. I didn't hate it, I just didn't find any solace, strength, inspiration, or support from God.

In my pre-teens I started exploring spirituality. I have to be honest and say that I didn't go any further than neo-paganism, specifically Wicca.. However, I don't have a really strong need to settle with one organized religion. I find my spirituality in everything around me, I feel plenty supported, and even find guidance in my own way. I find comfort in celebrating the changes in the seasons. I find it stabilizing to look in the sky and be able to measure the progression of time by the size of the moon. I constantly receive guidance from the universe by paying attention to patterns that crop up in my day to day life. I find strength in seeing the resilience of nature, how plants and animals survive hash conditions and continue to grow and flourish. I get support from my large family and my great circle of friends. To me, this is what spirituality is, I don't need to congregate weekly to feel all these things.

Improving your Married Sexlife

The other night I went out for coffee with a great friend and discovered that she is struggling in her marriage again. She and her husband have had a few difficult times this year, but have continued to work through it. I won't get into all the intricacies for their issues, but one hit sort of close to home.

Hubby has a high sex drive, and Wifey(due to relationship issues) is having difficulty finding him attractive/desirable. I gave her my advice, and then went home and talked with the Guy about it and he added his male two cents.

So from these conversations here is our input on...

How To Improve Your Married Sex Life

For the Wives:

My therapist loved the line "Fake it till you make it", meaning sometimes you have to go through the motions until something becomes fun/pleasant/habit. This can be applied to sex. Sex gets better the more you have, your bodies actually release all kinds of happy hormones when you have sex. But sometimes you need to force yourself to have sex, even though you really want sleep.

Ladies, your guy wants you to initiate sex periodically. They want to feel wanted just as much as you do. They are tired of always being the one "nagging" for sex. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, how many times could you stand being told "no" before you gave up all together?

Get over the socialization that hundreds of years of religious prudes have created and just admit that you LIKE sex already. We all do, it feels great, it causes a closeness with our partners that nothing else can match, and it releases all those happy hormones. The whole world would be much happier if women would allow themselves to admit that they like sex.

Fantasize!!! This is closely connected to the previous item. Now that you have admitted that you like sex, it's time to figure out what your fantasies are. Cause I'm guessing they do not involve 20 minutes of giving your guy head and then playing with your clit in order to get off while he bangs the hell out of you. Although if it does that's great too. But this fantasy is about what YOU want, not what you think HE would like.

PLAY!!! We hold the power. We have the currency. Use it! Send your guy off to work with a dirty note in his pocket, send him numerous dirty texts through the day, if he has a smart phone send him a pic of his favourite part of your body. It's surprising how knowing that he's at work all turned on and frustrated for the entire day can really get your body going as well. Also, he will be very helpful with getting the evening routine done that night ;)

Tell them what you want! And then tell them when that has changed too. But in as gentle a way as possible. Men can be a bit dim. If he always does things the same way, it's probably because you ONCE said you liked it that way. Guys are more than happy to take direction, sometimes they take it too well :)

For The Husbands:

Your wife is TIRED!!! If you really want to make an impression really be a partner in the house. This means helping out with the day to day routines. If she cooked, maybe you can do the dishes. If she's doing bathtime with the baby, you could do homework with the older ones. These little things make a huge difference in how tired she will feel once the kids are in bed.

Woo her. I know at the beginning you had to do all the work to get her to notice you and ultimately fall in love with you. But that does NOT mean that you never have to try again once the ring is on her finger. I can guarantee that if you take her out for an evening doing something that you think she would enjoy (without her having to ask, or plan any of it) you'll get lucky.

Stop pawing at her. This one I cannot express strongly enough. Most of us love a nice touch, kiss, hug, or caress, keep them up. However, grabbing our boobs, with the kids in the room, while we are trying to cook or do dishes is NOT going to get you anywhere. I can promise you this. If you want to get laid, make us feel sexy, desirable, respected. Overt sexual touch at inappropriate times just makes us feel like a piece of meat, and there's nothing sexy about that.

Change things up a bit. Just because she said once that it was really nice when you spent 15 minutes worshipping her nipples, does not mean that she wants that ALL THE TIME. It was nice the first time, maybe even a few times after that, but it looses something when it becomes a formula. I know it's harsh, but she probably won't say anything, so I'm doing it for her.


For You BOTH:

TALK, TALK, TALK!!! You got married, you've dealt with sickness, money, in-laws, maybe pregnancy and babies, or the even more difficult issues of pregnancy challenges. You NEED to talk about sex too. I totally understand the challenge of talking about this stuff face to face, so give online chatting or texting a try. It's really amazing how much more comfortable you can be admitting your fantasies or concerns in writing.

Do some homework. There are hundreds of books, movies, websites dedicated to sex. Give some new ideas a try. Kit at BloggingDangerously has a slew of great couples sex homework. I particularly like the first in her Devoir series, you can find all of the series if you check out the archives link.

I hope that this helps some of you. I'm interested to hear what additions you might have as well. Hope you all have some great sex today, or at least make the first steps towards it.