I know it isn't New Years yet, but hear me out. Last year I realized that to the people of the earth involved with school the beginning of the school year is the REAL New Year. This is the time of new beginnings for teachers, students, and parents. We've all had a long break, a break that throws our routines, schedules, and good/bad habits out of whack. Then along comes some arbitrary day, for most following Labor Day, and all of a sudden we need to find those routines and schedules again. I figure that while I'm at it, I might as well try and make some improvements along the way. That is why I have proclaimed the return of my kids to school as MY New Year.
I don't even remember what last year's "resolutions" were, I'm sure that I failed miserably as at this time last year I was full on miserable about the state of my marriage. I'm sure that just like I always do I resolved to be better at cleaning, lose weight, eat healthy, blah, blah, blah.
This year I need to do all of those normal resolutions that just about everyone seems to have, but this year I have some that are a bit more specific to me, or at least to my current situation.
#1. I resolve to have one day a week that is "YES Day". A day that as long as it isn't going to hurt anyone, and a couple things that need to get done happen I will say YES to my children and their requests of me and my time.
#2. I resolve to stay on top of the things I NEED to do. This is a relatively "common" resolution I know, but for me, this year, it will be an important one. For me it will mean proving to myself, and my Ex that I am capable of taking care of myself and my boys. In this category will be little things like staying on top of the housework, keeping up with bills, remembering the boys school "schedule", as well as bigger things like purging my house, and dealing with the lawyer right away. I'm realizing after putting it all into words, that ALL of that might be BIG things.
#3. I resolve to make sure that the people I Love feel Loved. I will make more effort to stay in touch with my family and friends. I will make more of an effort to remember and acknowledge birthdays. I will be as considerate and giving as I can be. My family in particular are very supportive and giving people, they deserve to know how much I appreciate them.
#4. I resolve to bring my expectations of my Ex down into line with the reality that I know. For some reason I have had this hope that my Ex would suddenly become "Super Dad" now that we are separated, and as such I have spent the past six months disappointed for my boys, and resentful. I now realize that it is wrong of me the expect him to be anything more than he always has been. I need to let that go so that I can be the MOTHER that my boys deserve.
#5. I resolve to enjoy life. I tend to be a thinker, researcher, and worrier. these things were all pretty good attributes when I was a teen with outgoing friends(I have always been a mother hen), but now as I get older I feel that it holds me back. I have never been impulsive, out going, or (most sadly) PASSIONATE. I will take some baby steps here, since spontaneity is a pretty big deal for me. I will make more effort to take advantage of opportunities that present themselves. I will also STOP thinking through the entire situation before deciding to go forward. I do not have a crystal ball, I cannot see how something will end, so why should I say no based on the outcome that my imagination created?
I'm confident that this "year" will bring many changes, many improvements. I hope that with this list to guide me I'll be one more step towards having it all "together". I am finally beginning to create a new life for myself and my boys, and I'm really excited to see where it takes us.
What are your New Years Resolutions?
Monday, September 6, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Dream
My sister has a cute little name for me that I think she means in the nicest possible way. My little sister calls me a "new-age hippie freak". I have decided that I like this name. It does actually suit me.
I grew up and came of age in the Nineties, the "grunge" generation. I love my jeans, t-shirts, and army boots. I've had many different hair colours, and got my first tattoos and piercings at a relatively young age.
I was also raised in the country, by parents that were pretty self-sufficient. My father BUILT the house I grew up in, he was an angler, a hunter, and an artist. My mother is a gardener, a crafter, a cook, and a very energetic woman. I grew up eating food from our garden, from the lake at the cottage, and from the wild. I was blessed with an upbringing that very few of my generation got to experience.
I am also a massage therapist. The massage world has helped mould me into someone that is relatively spiritual, but not Christian. I believe in the "energy" of the world and all people and things that live in it. I have a distinct fondness for Birkenstocks and long skirts.
These are some of the things that have had an impact on creating the ME that I am. I think none of the above would be a surprise to anyone that has met me, I feel I really do live based on those influences. I am a pretty happy mess most of the time :)
I felt I needed to share that before I moved forward with my post, since those items have influenced the DREAM that I have.For some reason I feel like sharing it with you. This is a dream that I am pretty confident I will achieve. It is also a dream that causes me(along with MANY other things) to be reluctant to find a partner. I'm concerned that I would end up sacrificing my dream if someone else came into my life.
So what is this DREAM you ask? It really is a relatively simple dream, really a dream for a simple life as well.
I want to run a combination massage clinic/Yoga and Nia studio/artist retreat.
My home will be smallish, just big enough to fulfill the needs of myself, my family, and my business. I love the idea of a round home and have fallen for Mandala Homes How gorgeous are they?
My clinic will most likely be above my garage in an effort to have a small footprint. I currently plan to have two treatment rooms, an office, a reception area, and a Yoga/Nia studio. Depending on the space I may drop it down to just one treatment room. Hopefully the studio will have a large wall of mirrors that will overlook the pond.
I also intend to build a couple little cottages. these will be at the far end of the property so that they will be private. these will be the art studios. I would like to have one set up for conventional visual arts, and the other for more textile type arts. They will also have sleeping quarters and a small kitchen. I would like to have communal meals as much as possible.
I will also have a very extensive vegetable garden and a small orchard. Much of what we eat will come from the property.
I already have a piece of land. It is just under three acres. It is wooded and has a pond that takes up about one acre. All I need now is to get moving, simplify, cut back, and save.
I think that this would be an amazing way to live my life. It's what I will be working towards.
I grew up and came of age in the Nineties, the "grunge" generation. I love my jeans, t-shirts, and army boots. I've had many different hair colours, and got my first tattoos and piercings at a relatively young age.
I was also raised in the country, by parents that were pretty self-sufficient. My father BUILT the house I grew up in, he was an angler, a hunter, and an artist. My mother is a gardener, a crafter, a cook, and a very energetic woman. I grew up eating food from our garden, from the lake at the cottage, and from the wild. I was blessed with an upbringing that very few of my generation got to experience.
I am also a massage therapist. The massage world has helped mould me into someone that is relatively spiritual, but not Christian. I believe in the "energy" of the world and all people and things that live in it. I have a distinct fondness for Birkenstocks and long skirts.
These are some of the things that have had an impact on creating the ME that I am. I think none of the above would be a surprise to anyone that has met me, I feel I really do live based on those influences. I am a pretty happy mess most of the time :)
I felt I needed to share that before I moved forward with my post, since those items have influenced the DREAM that I have.For some reason I feel like sharing it with you. This is a dream that I am pretty confident I will achieve. It is also a dream that causes me(along with MANY other things) to be reluctant to find a partner. I'm concerned that I would end up sacrificing my dream if someone else came into my life.
So what is this DREAM you ask? It really is a relatively simple dream, really a dream for a simple life as well.
I want to run a combination massage clinic/Yoga and Nia studio/artist retreat.
My home will be smallish, just big enough to fulfill the needs of myself, my family, and my business. I love the idea of a round home and have fallen for Mandala Homes How gorgeous are they?
My clinic will most likely be above my garage in an effort to have a small footprint. I currently plan to have two treatment rooms, an office, a reception area, and a Yoga/Nia studio. Depending on the space I may drop it down to just one treatment room. Hopefully the studio will have a large wall of mirrors that will overlook the pond.
I also intend to build a couple little cottages. these will be at the far end of the property so that they will be private. these will be the art studios. I would like to have one set up for conventional visual arts, and the other for more textile type arts. They will also have sleeping quarters and a small kitchen. I would like to have communal meals as much as possible.
I will also have a very extensive vegetable garden and a small orchard. Much of what we eat will come from the property.
I already have a piece of land. It is just under three acres. It is wooded and has a pond that takes up about one acre. All I need now is to get moving, simplify, cut back, and save.
I think that this would be an amazing way to live my life. It's what I will be working towards.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Social Life (or lack there of)
One of the things that I was NOT prepared for in my separation was a feeling of isolation. It has since come to my attention that I do not have a very large or diverse social network. I have always been one of those people that had a relatively small circle of friends, and for the most part MALE. That was in high school, pre-spouse. My Ex and I met in college, far from both our homes, and did very little to develop much social system while there. This trend continued when we moved to London, he had his "work friends", and I had my "mommy friends". And in case you are not yet seeing a pattern... when we moved to Ottawa I found "mommy friends", and since he was working from home had no friends.
So now I find myself with a small social circle comprised mostly of Married Mommies. These are women that I have met and become friends with because our kids are friends. They are nice, and friendly, and I'm happy to spend time with them while our kids play. They are however, superficial relationships. These are not women that I would call on a Saturday evening cause I need to get out of the house. Most of them would happily head out if given the opportunity, but I feel too guilty to make the call. I will not add to any relationship stress my friends may be experiencing. These are mothers of young kids, most of whom work, and have husbands that also work. Their weekends are precious. These are also friends on such a superficial level that NONE of them have asked if I need to get out, or tried to make plans with me.
My weekends with the boys are spent filling my days with family activities. I fill my evenings with watching movies or TV and trying not to feel lonely. My weekends without the boys are spent filling my days with errands and house and yard work. and I fill my evenings with watching movies and TV and trying not to feel lonely.
The thing that is making me completely frustrated with the entire lonely situation is that the EX now has a bustling friggin social life. The man that never made a single friend(except for my former besty that was the demise of our marriage) the entire 3 years we were in Ottawa before our separation, now has a large social circle. His social calendar is quite full. He has friends that are single for any of the 12 days out of 14 that he DOES NOT have the boys. He also has friends that are married or recently separated with kids for the 2 days out of 14 that he DOES have the boys.
So to recap, for 12 days every 2 weeks he is living the single life, free to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, with whomever he wants, and actually has people to fulfill all those options. Then on the couple days he does have some responsibility he still has people to do stuff with, especially now that he has a "lady friend" that will keep him company when the boys are asleep. I on the other hand, spend 12 days and nights every 2 weeks being Mommy. and than on the couple days and nights that I get to shirk responsibility(only to some degree since I got the dog), I don't have anyone to do anything with cause all my friends are proper grown ups.
I know that this all sounds very whiny, but this is how I feel at the moment. I have spent too many years apologizing for my feelings, that ends now. I do want to make sure that my friends that do read this know that I don't resent them, or feel upset or angry at them. I love you guys, and you have been supportive in every way you can be.
I guess I need to suck it up and start making some friends. I now know why every city has a "single parents activity group".
So now I find myself with a small social circle comprised mostly of Married Mommies. These are women that I have met and become friends with because our kids are friends. They are nice, and friendly, and I'm happy to spend time with them while our kids play. They are however, superficial relationships. These are not women that I would call on a Saturday evening cause I need to get out of the house. Most of them would happily head out if given the opportunity, but I feel too guilty to make the call. I will not add to any relationship stress my friends may be experiencing. These are mothers of young kids, most of whom work, and have husbands that also work. Their weekends are precious. These are also friends on such a superficial level that NONE of them have asked if I need to get out, or tried to make plans with me.
My weekends with the boys are spent filling my days with family activities. I fill my evenings with watching movies or TV and trying not to feel lonely. My weekends without the boys are spent filling my days with errands and house and yard work. and I fill my evenings with watching movies and TV and trying not to feel lonely.
The thing that is making me completely frustrated with the entire lonely situation is that the EX now has a bustling friggin social life. The man that never made a single friend(except for my former besty that was the demise of our marriage) the entire 3 years we were in Ottawa before our separation, now has a large social circle. His social calendar is quite full. He has friends that are single for any of the 12 days out of 14 that he DOES NOT have the boys. He also has friends that are married or recently separated with kids for the 2 days out of 14 that he DOES have the boys.
So to recap, for 12 days every 2 weeks he is living the single life, free to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, with whomever he wants, and actually has people to fulfill all those options. Then on the couple days he does have some responsibility he still has people to do stuff with, especially now that he has a "lady friend" that will keep him company when the boys are asleep. I on the other hand, spend 12 days and nights every 2 weeks being Mommy. and than on the couple days and nights that I get to shirk responsibility(only to some degree since I got the dog), I don't have anyone to do anything with cause all my friends are proper grown ups.
I know that this all sounds very whiny, but this is how I feel at the moment. I have spent too many years apologizing for my feelings, that ends now. I do want to make sure that my friends that do read this know that I don't resent them, or feel upset or angry at them. I love you guys, and you have been supportive in every way you can be.
I guess I need to suck it up and start making some friends. I now know why every city has a "single parents activity group".
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Fool In Love
The past two days have been spent in a mope, going through the motions, on the verge of tears. My heart aches, and there isn't a friggin thing I can do about it.
A year ago, when I was still married but knew we'd passed the point of no return, a guy from my past came back into my life. We spent a night out with all our friends from high school, with our partners(even though his was only a guise at that point). A couple days later we went out for coffee, just us. We shared the truths about our marriages. We comforted each others pain. We behaved ourselves at my request, even though I knew the EX didn't give me the same commitment. It was probably the most difficult night of my life. We continued to talk to each other, and support each other through our changing relationships.
As soon as I announced my separation what little walls there were fell down. We continued to share our feelings. We continued to support each other. We continued to admit things to each other that very few others knew. We also started to plan a get-together. We also started to be very sexual with each other.
Finally in May I was able to steal away for a weekend. It was wonderful, exactly what I needed. Everything clicked, we were happy and comfortable with each other. This really isn't that big a surprise since we've been friends for over 15 years. As soon as I left in May I wanted to plan my next trip. He forced me to hold off. It worked for 3 weeks, then I forced back and booked it anyway. I have just returned from that trip. I spent almost a week. Thanks to this trip I have firmly stumbled off the "casual" track.
From the beginning we have said that this would be casual. That neither of us is capable of truly giving it our all in a relationship. We live too far away from each other. We have too many other responsibilities. I have kids and he's not much of a family guy. We both need to figure out who we are exclusive of a relationship. Really, the sane reasons go on forever.
In the end the ultimate truth is...
THE HEART IS NOT SANE!!!
My heart ached as I watched him leave for work yesterday. It took everything I had not to cry as my plane lifted off later in the day. My eyes are pooling right now cause I haven't heard from him yet today. I feel ridiculous. I know better. I feel like a silly school girl. I also resent that I feel like this.
A good portion of the challenge is that I wish I knew if he was struggling with this as much as I am. Although I really don't know what difference it would make. It doesn't make wither of us any better equipped to be in a relationship. It doesn't move us closer to each other. As far as I can tell the only positive would be that I wasn't alone in my foolishness. Along side that would be a heaping dose of the reality that nothing is going to change that makes it less foolish.
I guess it all just makes me a fool in love.
A year ago, when I was still married but knew we'd passed the point of no return, a guy from my past came back into my life. We spent a night out with all our friends from high school, with our partners(even though his was only a guise at that point). A couple days later we went out for coffee, just us. We shared the truths about our marriages. We comforted each others pain. We behaved ourselves at my request, even though I knew the EX didn't give me the same commitment. It was probably the most difficult night of my life. We continued to talk to each other, and support each other through our changing relationships.
As soon as I announced my separation what little walls there were fell down. We continued to share our feelings. We continued to support each other. We continued to admit things to each other that very few others knew. We also started to plan a get-together. We also started to be very sexual with each other.
Finally in May I was able to steal away for a weekend. It was wonderful, exactly what I needed. Everything clicked, we were happy and comfortable with each other. This really isn't that big a surprise since we've been friends for over 15 years. As soon as I left in May I wanted to plan my next trip. He forced me to hold off. It worked for 3 weeks, then I forced back and booked it anyway. I have just returned from that trip. I spent almost a week. Thanks to this trip I have firmly stumbled off the "casual" track.
From the beginning we have said that this would be casual. That neither of us is capable of truly giving it our all in a relationship. We live too far away from each other. We have too many other responsibilities. I have kids and he's not much of a family guy. We both need to figure out who we are exclusive of a relationship. Really, the sane reasons go on forever.
In the end the ultimate truth is...
THE HEART IS NOT SANE!!!
My heart ached as I watched him leave for work yesterday. It took everything I had not to cry as my plane lifted off later in the day. My eyes are pooling right now cause I haven't heard from him yet today. I feel ridiculous. I know better. I feel like a silly school girl. I also resent that I feel like this.
A good portion of the challenge is that I wish I knew if he was struggling with this as much as I am. Although I really don't know what difference it would make. It doesn't make wither of us any better equipped to be in a relationship. It doesn't move us closer to each other. As far as I can tell the only positive would be that I wasn't alone in my foolishness. Along side that would be a heaping dose of the reality that nothing is going to change that makes it less foolish.
I guess it all just makes me a fool in love.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Humiliation
My very good friend Jennifer
http://www.jakeandjen.blogspot.com/
has decided to take the plunge and commit whole-heartedly to dropping her "baby weight". She has chosen to go the route of the "30 day shred", a program marketed by Jillian Michaels the trainer from "the biggest loser". In this program you do a specific 20-30 minute workout EVERY day for 30 days. Jennifer has also decided to blog about her progress and has chosen to motivate herself by "humiliating" herself. To this end she has posted her measurement list as well as a short video of her "before" body.
My dear friend has inspired me, along with the many other things that have inspired me recently. So I have decided to join her on the PUBLIC quest for a new body. I will not be doing the "shred", but have chosen to follow the training program that Dominique Larocque has designed for me and my bike. I have also come to the realization that a very large quantity of the sugar that I consume must go. I began a Candida cleanse last week to aid with that but have found myself slipping in my commitment. I am re-committing and will begin the cleanse again tomorrow.
I have been struggling with my weight since very early in my college experience. The school that I went to had a very poor cafeteria, and since I lived in residence I didn't have much choice but to eat there. This was also a stressful time in my life, I was far from home(11 hour drive), I had no friends when I arrived(and found it difficult to make them), and my Father was vary ill with cancer(he passed 3 weeks after I got home from my first year). In the first 2 months at college I think I gained about 20 pounds, and they stuck, this is the same weight that I have been trying to loose ever since. On the plus side, 2 pregnancies in as many years did not cause me to gain any additional weight :)
I have chosen now to revamp my body since 1) I am now single again and need to take the time to look after myself for the benefit of my sanity and the well being of my relationship with my boys. 2) I have a new body that could use some further transforming(breast reduction in March). and 3)I need the satisfaction of actually completing something.
Ugh, The pictures are even more humiliating than I expected. I did commit to this and I will post them. I WILL LOOK GREAT SOON, I WILL LOOK GREAT SOON, I WILL LOOK GREAT SOON!
I think I will post my measurements first, might not be so painful.
Weight- 159 lbs
Arm- 31cm
Over Bust-94cm
Bust-98cm
Ribs-87cm
Waist-85.5cm
Hips-106cm
Thigh-61.5cm
BMI- 27.3 (mildly overweight)
You may have noticed that I have done my measurements in centimetres, I know it isn't standard, it however a smaller increment which gives me the "illusion" of faster results(in theory).
It would appear that my pics and Blogger are not cooperating. I promise that I will upload them at a later date. (can I get away with a simple before/after when I'm done?)
The Plan
One 90 minute ride/week
Two 60 minute ride with high intensity intervals/week
One 60 minute(at least) trail/mountain ride/week
Meal plan- cut sugar, no wheat, only one latte/chai per day, eat mainly veggies.
Goals- drop 10 lbs in 6 weeks and be in good enough shape to mountain bike in California in 6 weeks.
Here I Go!
http://www.jakeandjen.blogspot.com/
has decided to take the plunge and commit whole-heartedly to dropping her "baby weight". She has chosen to go the route of the "30 day shred", a program marketed by Jillian Michaels the trainer from "the biggest loser". In this program you do a specific 20-30 minute workout EVERY day for 30 days. Jennifer has also decided to blog about her progress and has chosen to motivate herself by "humiliating" herself. To this end she has posted her measurement list as well as a short video of her "before" body.
My dear friend has inspired me, along with the many other things that have inspired me recently. So I have decided to join her on the PUBLIC quest for a new body. I will not be doing the "shred", but have chosen to follow the training program that Dominique Larocque has designed for me and my bike. I have also come to the realization that a very large quantity of the sugar that I consume must go. I began a Candida cleanse last week to aid with that but have found myself slipping in my commitment. I am re-committing and will begin the cleanse again tomorrow.
I have been struggling with my weight since very early in my college experience. The school that I went to had a very poor cafeteria, and since I lived in residence I didn't have much choice but to eat there. This was also a stressful time in my life, I was far from home(11 hour drive), I had no friends when I arrived(and found it difficult to make them), and my Father was vary ill with cancer(he passed 3 weeks after I got home from my first year). In the first 2 months at college I think I gained about 20 pounds, and they stuck, this is the same weight that I have been trying to loose ever since. On the plus side, 2 pregnancies in as many years did not cause me to gain any additional weight :)
I have chosen now to revamp my body since 1) I am now single again and need to take the time to look after myself for the benefit of my sanity and the well being of my relationship with my boys. 2) I have a new body that could use some further transforming(breast reduction in March). and 3)I need the satisfaction of actually completing something.
Ugh, The pictures are even more humiliating than I expected. I did commit to this and I will post them. I WILL LOOK GREAT SOON, I WILL LOOK GREAT SOON, I WILL LOOK GREAT SOON!
I think I will post my measurements first, might not be so painful.
Weight- 159 lbs
Arm- 31cm
Over Bust-94cm
Bust-98cm
Ribs-87cm
Waist-85.5cm
Hips-106cm
Thigh-61.5cm
BMI- 27.3 (mildly overweight)
You may have noticed that I have done my measurements in centimetres, I know it isn't standard, it however a smaller increment which gives me the "illusion" of faster results(in theory).
It would appear that my pics and Blogger are not cooperating. I promise that I will upload them at a later date. (can I get away with a simple before/after when I'm done?)
The Plan
One 90 minute ride/week
Two 60 minute ride with high intensity intervals/week
One 60 minute(at least) trail/mountain ride/week
Meal plan- cut sugar, no wheat, only one latte/chai per day, eat mainly veggies.
Goals- drop 10 lbs in 6 weeks and be in good enough shape to mountain bike in California in 6 weeks.
Here I Go!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Inspired
On Saturday I finally fulfilled a desire that I have had for about 5 years. I have been wanting to learn to mountain bike. The first time I had this idea I was at a massage course at Blue Mountain resort in Collingwood. This particular weekend was in the spring and it was one of the training weekends for the local "Fly Gurlzz". It looked like so much fun seeing this group of strong, fearless women bomb down the side of a ski hill on bicycles. At the time I was pregnant with my second child, so that year was out of the question. Every year since then I have struggled with the idea of taking time way from my kids and my family on weekends to go mountain biking by myself. So needless to say this was a dream that went unfulfilled. Then suddenly this year the idea popped into my head again. The difference this year is that I do have "free" time. I have every other weekend that I can spend doing things that I want without the guilt that I am abandoning my familial responsibilities. So, a month ago I signed up for a beginner class for this past weekend. I am so glad that I did. I am also so glad that this opportunity came at this challenging time in my life. I am also so glad that I chose the instructor that I did.
My course was taken through LaRocca XC Mountain Bike School, at the Creative Wheel Centre. The owner and instructor is Dominique Larocque. She is one of the most inspiring women I have ever met and we hit it off instantly. She has built this centre literally with her bare hands out of dream that she had to have a safe haven for many types of therapy. She has created a bike trail system that is designed specifically for technical training. After 3 hours of one-on-one training with Dominique I had made it through a mere 4 trails, and I progressed faster than most beginners. This is not meant to be discouraging, only meant to demonstrate the time and effort that Dominique puts into providing high quality technical training even at a beginner level.
Now this is where the "inspiration" comes in. Dominique, this wonderful and caring woman, has built the centre from a dream. It continues to grow, and evolve as needs change and finances are available. It has been emotionally and physically challenging, but she has stuck it out. She is creating a place that makes her feel inspired and recharged in the hopes that others will find it that way too.
So what does that mean for me? I almost have too much buzzing around in me to even be able to figure that out. I'm a thinker, and a planner, not so much a "do-er".
Things I have Learned from Dominique
- Guilt is a waste of energy
- I do not start out "perfect"
- Dreams take time, and that's ok
- I am a STRONG woman
- I am "not normal"
- Dreams are organic, they move and grow, and adapt
Like I said, I'm not sure where all this inspiration will take me, but right now I'm excited and energized. I feel like I have moved many steps closer to living the life I dream of, the life that I can feel comfortable calling my own.
My course was taken through LaRocca XC Mountain Bike School, at the Creative Wheel Centre. The owner and instructor is Dominique Larocque. She is one of the most inspiring women I have ever met and we hit it off instantly. She has built this centre literally with her bare hands out of dream that she had to have a safe haven for many types of therapy. She has created a bike trail system that is designed specifically for technical training. After 3 hours of one-on-one training with Dominique I had made it through a mere 4 trails, and I progressed faster than most beginners. This is not meant to be discouraging, only meant to demonstrate the time and effort that Dominique puts into providing high quality technical training even at a beginner level.
Now this is where the "inspiration" comes in. Dominique, this wonderful and caring woman, has built the centre from a dream. It continues to grow, and evolve as needs change and finances are available. It has been emotionally and physically challenging, but she has stuck it out. She is creating a place that makes her feel inspired and recharged in the hopes that others will find it that way too.
So what does that mean for me? I almost have too much buzzing around in me to even be able to figure that out. I'm a thinker, and a planner, not so much a "do-er".
Things I have Learned from Dominique
- Guilt is a waste of energy
- I do not start out "perfect"
- Dreams take time, and that's ok
- I am a STRONG woman
- I am "not normal"
- Dreams are organic, they move and grow, and adapt
Like I said, I'm not sure where all this inspiration will take me, but right now I'm excited and energized. I feel like I have moved many steps closer to living the life I dream of, the life that I can feel comfortable calling my own.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Really???
I'm not even really sure where to start. I'm just a little blown away. Ok, deep breath.
Now I know that we aren't together any more. And that when I chose to separate that Lui would not be sitting around pining away for me. But COME ON!!!
So what's got my knickers all in a knot?
One of the first things that my oldest son told me when I asked him how the weekend was at Daddy's was....
"Daddy had a sleep over, I thought it was you, but it was someone else"
OK, so the gist of what I have gotten out of my 2 sons, without seeming too snoopy, is; Daddy had a girl sleep over on Saturday night, it seems she was not there when the boys went to sleep, they do not remember her name(they have no memory for names), she went to breakfast at the diner with them(their special Sunday morning routine), she's nice, they like her, and they don't have a problem with her being around.
All in all they don't seem to have been very phased by the whole thing. I guess that's good. I'm a little bit knocked off my feet still though.
I don't know how it is for other single moms, but I have made some "dating" guidelines for myself. Nothing all that out of control. Mostly to protect myself and my kids, from being hurt, and traumatized unnecessarily. Stupidly, I figured that others(the ex) might do the same. Apparently not!
So now I have to figure out if I make a big deal about it? Do I even bother to say anything? Do I even have a right to say anything?
I did not say anything yesterday. I think my window is kind of closed now. The only reason that I would choose to say anything at this point is to protect the boys. I don't like the idea of them being exposed to many random people. They are only at his place 2 nights every 2 weeks, I think he can find other times to "entertain".
I think that I'll let it go for now. maybe see if it happens again in the near future. See if it's the same woman next time. Somehow it's more of an issue if it's a different person. I don't really want the boys to see a revolving door of people going through Daddy's place.
OK, I think my rant is over. One day I'll have a rant-free post. A post about happy things. Not today though.
Now I know that we aren't together any more. And that when I chose to separate that Lui would not be sitting around pining away for me. But COME ON!!!
So what's got my knickers all in a knot?
One of the first things that my oldest son told me when I asked him how the weekend was at Daddy's was....
"Daddy had a sleep over, I thought it was you, but it was someone else"
OK, so the gist of what I have gotten out of my 2 sons, without seeming too snoopy, is; Daddy had a girl sleep over on Saturday night, it seems she was not there when the boys went to sleep, they do not remember her name(they have no memory for names), she went to breakfast at the diner with them(their special Sunday morning routine), she's nice, they like her, and they don't have a problem with her being around.
All in all they don't seem to have been very phased by the whole thing. I guess that's good. I'm a little bit knocked off my feet still though.
I don't know how it is for other single moms, but I have made some "dating" guidelines for myself. Nothing all that out of control. Mostly to protect myself and my kids, from being hurt, and traumatized unnecessarily. Stupidly, I figured that others(the ex) might do the same. Apparently not!
So now I have to figure out if I make a big deal about it? Do I even bother to say anything? Do I even have a right to say anything?
I did not say anything yesterday. I think my window is kind of closed now. The only reason that I would choose to say anything at this point is to protect the boys. I don't like the idea of them being exposed to many random people. They are only at his place 2 nights every 2 weeks, I think he can find other times to "entertain".
I think that I'll let it go for now. maybe see if it happens again in the near future. See if it's the same woman next time. Somehow it's more of an issue if it's a different person. I don't really want the boys to see a revolving door of people going through Daddy's place.
OK, I think my rant is over. One day I'll have a rant-free post. A post about happy things. Not today though.
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